Dissection of student commentary from the Targum, Rutgers' student run newspaper

Every so often I pick up the newspaper of my former university and go straight to the commentary page looking to read something idotic.

I’m rarely disappointed. The other day was no exception.

I have provided basically a line-by-line critique of this article to let you see what type of idiots manage to have a voice in this country:

It seems as though American society cannot completely eradicate feelings of racism, a skewed worldview with roots that can be traced back to the very founding of the nation.

Racism is a “skewed worldview that can be traced back to the very founding of this nation?” America created racism?! But you say it’s a worldview so does that mean America was founded and then racism began worldwide? No wonder everyone hates our country!

Even in the early 1500s, European settlers felt a distinct sense of supremacy over the Native Americans who had inhabited the Americas largely via the Bering Straight years prior to the European expeditions.

“Even in the early 1500s,” hmmm, you seem to be surprised that European settlers felt superior to the heathens.

Also, thanks for the historical tidbit about the Bering Straight, that really is pretty important to know. But “Years prior to the European expedition,” implies that it was kinda recent, I thought people came over like 10,000 years ago, and their ancestors are what we consider Native Americans, cuz you know, they are native to America.

Jumping approximately 350 years later in American history submerges one directly into the sweat of the Civil War — an imbroglio between citizens of a nation teetering on the edge of tearing apart — with the issue of enslaving black Americans a heated contributing factor.

Big Vocab Alert: Imbroglio

Nice metaphor, “submerges one directly into the sweat of the Civil War...” Actually that’s kinda disgusting.

“Teetering on the edge of tearing apart.” Hmm…teetering on the edge of tearing apart…

“the issue of enslaving black Americans," when these "black Americans" were being enslaved they were most likely in Africa.

To deny that black people were outrageously discriminated against in our nation’s past would be absolute absurdity; white citizens literally purchased them as if they were commodities rather than living, breathing human beings. To attempt to expunge this blemish on our past would be both highly insulting and entirely unjustifiable to the oppressed. White supremacists believed themselves to be of paramount rank, but they were actually proving their nescience of the incisive fact that all men are truly create equally regardless of the amount and type of melanin that their body produces.

How do you expunge a blemish? That just sounds sick.

Big Vocab Alert: paramount, nescience, incisive, melanin

Four words one sentence that’s bonus points!

That being said, America has come a long way since the days of the Civil War. Distance from the scene of the crime should not make us as a nation forget our error of ways, but we should in no degree harp on what has come to pass.

Seriously, there is no need to harp on hundreds of years of slavery and institutionalized racism.

As a nation, we have risen above the former seemingly-interminable issue of unequal rights and undeserved discrimination.

Yep, in America everyone is equal. Especially the women, gays, and Mexicans.

Of course, every generalization comes hand-in-hand with its anomalies.

There we go, one sentence I don’t have too much of a problem with.

White people do exist who still believe themselves to be preeminent; racism has not been completely aborted, but abated.

Racism hasn’t been completely aborted? Is that like a partial birth abortion?

Hey, pro-lifers! Would you be pissed if someone aborted racism? I don’t think so! So, you see abortion isn’t all bad.

Paradoxically, in present-day America, it seems as though some black people refuse to let go of the racism that plagued their ancestors, channeling their resentment toward white citizens in what is easily identified as racism.

What a paradox. An oppressed people projects residual resentment towards a group of people that they associate with a system that systematically denied people of rights. Who woulda thought? Seriously?

While I obviously will acknowledge this feeling is certainly not running rampant, I have had firsthand encounters with it.

I’ve had firsthand encounters with a lotta things. Racist white people, racist black people, racist hookers, and anti-Korean homeless people.

A number of black Americans are all too ready to assume that whites still harbor feelings of superiority toward them. Heavy with baggage from the past, some cannot seem to shake off the notion that they are being looked down upon by their white counterparts. I personally find it exceedingly frustrating when I am automatically grouped into a category that defines me as narrow-minded racist.

People have grouped you in a category that defines you as a narrow-mided racist? Good, you probably are racist judging by the condescending tone of this article. White trash bitch!

In a similar vein, the double standard in the accepted language and behavior of blacks when contrasted to whites in regard to racism today is alarming. Black Americans can get away with speaking much more openly about whites, while if a white person is to make a racial reference pertaining to a black person, they are almost instantaneously labeled as an avid racist. It seems as though whites often have to practice circumlocution when addressing an issue of race — lest they be too blunt, forward or unwittingly offensive.

Grammar alert: improper idioms, "in regard," "contrasted to," should be "with regard" and "contrast with."

Two in one sentence! Bonus points!

Kamau Kambon, bookstore owner and affiliated faculty at the North Carolina State University elucidates my point. The C-SPAN broadcasted words of Kambon have been generally overlooked by American society. Addressing a panel on Hurricane Katrina media coverage at the Howard University Law School, Kambon exhibited alarming effrontery, claiming that “white people want to kill us.” He proceeded to go on a near eight-minute rant, traducing whites and declaring that the only plausible solution to the “problem” was to expurgate the world of whites. I can soundly guarantee that if a white man were to make such hostile remarks regarding the ideation to eradicate the world of blacks, he would be met with large volumes of uproar, strike and odium. But you have probably never heard of Kambon, and so I rest my case.

So basically you rest your case that the media allows “black” people to say whatever they want because one random professor said some idiotic, incoherent remarks and no one knows who he is? I don’t know the names of any white supremacists either, what does that mean?

Big Vocab Alert: odium

While Kambon’s racist remarks have earned him no penalty, Don Imus’ discriminatory comment cost him his livelihood. Hosting live from MSNBC, Imus bumptiously called the Rutgers women’s basketball team “nappy-headed hoes.” For his denigration of the black women on the team, Imus was fired. If it was justifiable to oust Imus, why then do the exceptionally offensive words of Kambon go largely unnoticed?

Um, maybe because Imus is a nationally syndicated radio personality that has been famous for many years known for making ignorant, insensitive, and borderline racist remarks? He also makes millions a year, and got fired cuz he wasn’t gonna bring in that paper since his advertisers backed out. And I believe he got hired again relatively quickly.

The erstwhile struggle between blacks and whites in America trickles into modern social issues, maculating what should be a harmonious existence. If we could collectively dissolve our differences and instead focus on the grounds of our shared humanity, American society would have a far more sanguine future.

Big Vocab Alert: maculate, sanguine

Maybe a good way to begin to “focus on the grounds of our shared humanity” is by not writing articles criticizing “blacks,” and rather focus on what all Americans should do in order to beat racism.

I’m just saying…

New Phrase

Chutty Factory

Two guys walk into a bar and see a lot of hot thick girls dancing, booties shaking, they turn to each other and say, "Chutty factory."

The two men then nod in agreement and high five.

Kanye Part II

Food for thought...

What if Beyoncé had won and Kanye stormed on stage and demanded that the award go to Taylor Swift? Would people be this mad?

And does everyone remember when ODB did it even better?

Check this:



Yep, Kanye West ain't that special...

At Least Kanye Didn't Kick Her In The Cooter

WTF Ya'll heard about Kanye West's most recent antics at the VMA awards!?

How Kanye stormed the stage during some girl's acceptance speech and totally ruined her moment???? OMG!!

There has been a huge backlash against Kanye, incited by such entertainment heavyweights as Pink, Kate Perry, and some guy from some band that sucks, perhaps Good Charlotte, as everyone and their mother is sounding off at the star for his disrespectful behavior.

Check what Kelly Clarkson has to say:

What happened to you as a child?? Did you not get hugged enough?? Something must have happened to make you this way and I think we're all just curious as to what would make a grown man go on national television and make a talented artist, let alone teenager, feel like sh*t

Oh Snap!

But Kelly did you really have to go there? What if Kanye had actually been abused as a little boy, suffering traumatic experiences which created psychological scars that contribute to his emotional instability in such a way that outbursts like this particular display of narcissistic disregard for the emotions of another human being are inevitable?

Kelly Clarkson I thought better of you.

On the other hand...

I think Kanye is pretty awesome. That was some funny shit.

Seriously, who hasn't had a moment wrecked by a drunk man. Weddings? Graduation Parties? Funerals? Always at such emotional events people dabble in the spirits a little too deeply and incite sleeping demons.

What would a Bat Mitzvah be without a drunk uncle dipping his balls in the gefilte fish?

But when this happens, at say Cousin Crystal's backyard wedding, you just pull the bridesmaid top back on, lead her to her seat and get her a glass of water.

The next morning, water under the bridge!

My attitude is, at least Kanye was drinkin Hennessey and not Steel Reserve, or that girl might be dead.

Man punches man.

Blount is suspended for the season for punching out Hout. I wanna know what Hout said to Blount to make him go haywire like that. I could imagine it went something like this:

Blount: I'm so sad we lost. I have worked so hard all summer waiting for this moment.
Hout: Oh, don't worry about it. You'll be fine. You still got your Heisman hopes.
Blount: Yeah that is reassuring. Eh whatever, I'll always have my degree to fall back on if football doesn't work out. I've always wanted to be a math teacher.
Hout: You too? I can't wait until football season is over so I can get back to tutoring at the community center.
Blount: Yep, it's all for the kids. Too bad Obama's not concerned with education reform.
Hout: Excuse me?
Blount: You know, he's all Healthcare this and health care that but it's never for the schools. If you ask me he's full of hot air.
Hout: Oh, bro, I know you didn't go there. You know Obama is doing everything in his power to fulfill all of his promises! It's not his fault he was given a country knee deep in shit.
Blount: Whatever, that's complete baloney and you know it.
Hout: Bro, I know you're upset about the game and all, but that's no reason to say such stupid ass shit. You really are an idiot.
Blount: Oh that's it!

Pow! Right in the smacker!